Moving on past a relationship that is not good is one of the hardest changes that you can face in your life. Everyone has to move on in their own way, but chances are, if you have lived then you have faced this at one time or another. One thing that is good is that you aren’t the only one and you aren’t alone when you are suffering.
How to Move On
It is hard to move on no matter how long you have been with this person. This can be one of the hardest things that you have to face. Don’t deny your feelings or think that your feelings don’t mean anything because you need to face them to move on. Show yourself love and kindness and acknowledge that you will be able to move on at some point in life.
Struggling
There is no real time table to say how long you will struggle for. This can be different depending on who you are and what you have went through. If there are positive reasons that you broke up with someone, it might take three months to move on as long as you are working towards your own growth.
Each person will heal at their own time, and they have to be patient and be kind to themselves. There will be easier and harder days and even if it doesn’t feel like it, you will make it through this.
Steps to Move On
Here are some steps to move on after a breakup:
Journey
Take time to look at your journey and to see how your life has been. You can see that you have different experiences, and that the relationship ending isn’t the end of your journey. You need to find out who you are, and you need to learn to move on without the other person. You can find this change and you can move forward and someday feel like your own self.
The Inner Critic
We all have that inner critic that tells us all of the things we have done wrong. Once we realize that we are our hardest critic, we can see that we can avoid some suffering. Don’t listen to things like this:
- You knew he would leave you.
- You have nothing now that he left you.
- There will never be anyone to love you.
- You will always be alone.
- You can’t trust anyone.
- You need to forget about the relationship.
- Drink something and feel better.
- Stay alone because no one wants you.
Once you have this dialog with yourself, you have to shut it down and learn to listen to only positive things.
Look at the Relationship
Take time to look at the relationship in a rational way. Don’t allow your negativity to make you see the relationship for what it wasn’t. Allow yourself to go through the stages of grief but don’t deny things that happened and the reason that you moved on from the relationship.
Fantasy Thoughts
Stop thinking that everything in your relationship was perfect. You have suffered and that is why you have left the relationship. Don’t create a fantasy as to what you remember your relationship was like.
You have to realize that when the relationship ended, there was a reason. If you keep thinking that everything was perfect, it will be harder to move forward.
Feelings
Allow yourself to have the feelings of sadness and anger. This will come and go. Treat yourself as if you are your best friend. When you get scared or angry, embrace the feelings.
Talk to Someone
Find someone that you can trust and talk to them about what you are feeling. Even if you need to see a therapist, do it. Be aware of what you are feeling and share it with others. Allow your paint to be healed.
Attachment Style
Figure out what kind of attachment style that you have. Maybe you have a lack of self-esteem or maybe you are someone that is sensitive to rejection. Learn about how your style impacts the relationships that you find yourself in.
Believe in You
You need to believe in yourself. You are important and you are someone that is good. You need to find the good things that you love about yourself and talk about them.
Self-Compassion and Love
One of the best ways to heal is to have compassion for yourself. You cannot always be mad at yourself and have negative thoughts if you want to heal and move on. You have to get rid of old habits and if you are having a hard time coming up with something good to say about yourself, ask someone to help you. Self-compassion is:
- Being kind to yourself.
- Not judging yourself so harshly.
- Being human and not isolating.
- Being mindful of others.
Be Mindful
Being mindful can help you to figure out your feelings and to let them go. Stop holding on to things and stop thinking that everything is negative and over. Be mindful about how you talk to yourself and others.
Don’t judge yourself so harshly and be mindful about how you talk to yourself and how you focus on things. Be thankful for things that you have that are good.
Rumination
Rumination is something that is negative, and this means that you are blaming yourself for everything that has went wrong. Stop doing this. Don’t obsess over what happened in the relationship and stop listening to your critical voice.
Get a Team
Find a team that will support and love you. You are best when you are around people that will love and care for you.
Self-Care
When you are feeling heartbroken and negative, you need to take better care of yourself. Get enough sleep, eat good, don’t drink or do drugs, get rid of negative emotions and treat yourself kindly.
Make sure that you are being healthy so that you can nourish your mind and your body. Don’t forget that you are important, and you need to take care of yourself.
Try New Things
Take time to do the things that you love that you have always done but also try new things. Do things that you have always wanted to try. Create new memories. Do something like take a class, take up a new hobby, go on a mini-vacation or just do something new.
Don’t give up the friends that you have that have always wanted to be part of your life. Spend time with them. Reach out to family members that love you.
Be Generous
Take care of other people. Find people that need love and give them love. This can be healing for you. Volunteer your time at a food bank or at a vet. Ask people out for coffee that have no friends. Start a conversation with someone that you don’t know. Help someone that is lost. Whatever positive things that you can do will come back to you and make you see your true worth.
